open ended
we are trained to think in closed ended ways. know what’s happening. know what it means. know what to do. take care of it. it’s over. and it needs to be done quickly and assuredly. shut. it. down.
it’s what makes us gravitate toward formulas and codes of living. it makes us drawn to people who think they know exactly how things work and how we are supposed to live.
for those of us trained to think this way, it can be excruciating when it begins to crumble. when we no longer have the energy, the will, or the capacity to do it all. and we’re left with a bunch of raveling parts that we don’t know how to put back together.
and we sit with the raveled pieces. looking at each one lovingly. putting one down to pick up the next. wondering if and how they will ever fit together. not knowing what any of the pieces really mean. and not having to.
noticing and suspending the deafening urge to put them back together.
but, little by little, the softness becomes stronger. a softness toward self. a softness toward reality for what it is. a softness for not fixing all the pieces.
there can be pain in this place. the place where we don’t know what will happen next. it can feel like the space will eat us up.
but maybe rather than getting consumed, we can become larger. instead of being devoured we can expand.
maybe there will be enough room for a surprise to surface. for the magic of us to be revealed.
*open ended is a term coined by one of my clients